User talk:Blueygooey
Mystreve (talk) 22:51, January 12, 2015 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the User blog:Blueygooey/Eclipse page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! Mystreve (talk) 23:34, January 12, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:18, January 15, 2015 (UTC) Blocked You are now blocked for two weeks for blanking other's messages on Deletion Appeal, which is Vandalism. Read the SITE RULES next time. Underscorre - Talk to me 16:46, January 15, 2015 (UTC) Story.. Your story didn't meet quality standards. Here are a few of the problems I noticed at a glance. Starting one or two sentences with conjunctions is fine, but excessive use of conjunctions (but,and, because) at the start gives the story a very choppy feel. The paragraphs also need to be broken up some. five-seven sentences per sentence (with dialogue spaced to new lines.) This is how your story was formatted: My name is George Seymour, and I have seen something, no one should ever see, or is supposed to. I better start at the beginning, I am a graphic designer for Wording issues: "Grace would poor (pour) me some...", "It feels weird being in an elevator alone to me (sic)...", "But the (sic) was one way out in the distance that was...", “Where are your (you) going George?”, "It looked scary up front, terrifying." Punctuation issues: "I said(,) “Bye,”", "...she answered(comma missing) yelling(,) “What George?”", "rest,”(space needed) I AM ECLIPSE(,)”, "...as it said(,) “where (Where) are your (you) going George? I’m not done yet.” (second time you made the same typo. So I asked her, (")Grace, what is my middle name?("), "yelling(,) “What’s wrong!?”" She responded..." Apostrophes missing from words indicating possession: "Grace(')s voice" Capitalization issues: "I own a Motor cycle, (motorcycle)", "...so I turned around and yelled(comma missing) “Is there still someone here?” there (There) was...", "mountain dew" (Brand names are capitalized, Mountain Dew.), "my (My) middle name is Gerald.” Grammatical issues: It's=it is, its=possession. "...its (it's) nice chatting...", "it’s (its) head was almost a perfect..." Then there's the ending: " I decided to write this in the time I had left, I’m not going to bother running, and it has been made obvious I can’t escape his power. So I’m using this time instead to warn you. I am posting this on a web site like this one in hope it will be read. Please, head (heed) my warning and be aware. I have to go now. The smell of vinegar is filling my apartment. Goodbye." How has he indicated that he is unable to escape the Eclipse? (Name comes off generic by the way.) It seems like you really didn't know how to end the story so you went with the cookie-cutter "I don't have much time left, but for some reason I am going to write this all down anyway." ending, which makes little sense and even less on the reason why he is uploading it to this website. Tl:Dr Your story didn't meet quality standards. Enjoy the two week ban for acting childish instead of trying to improve your story. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:16, January 15, 2015 (UTC)